LANDMARK RULING, CASE NO. 10: TEAM EVEN SPLIT V. TEAM BIGGER EARNER
Who should pay for dates in a relationship?
Who should pay for dates in a relationship comes down to the system the two of you agree on: splitting evenly, taking turns, or paying in proportion to income. Many couples start sharing fast; in a 2013 survey of more than 17,000 people, about three-fourths said costs were at least partly shared by six months. Judge Whiskerton rules the real mistake is never talking about it.
Both teams are guilty of auditing romance without a warrant.
Sentence: Sit down together, agree on one system, and stop keeping score at dinner.
The case for Team Even Split
Team Even Split says a relationship is a partnership, and the bill should look like one. Sharing is already common. In a 2013 survey of more than 17,000 people, presented at an American Sociological Association meeting and reported by ScienceDaily, about four in 10 said costs were at least partly shared within the first month, and by six months 74% of men and 83% of women reported sharing. The same survey found that most men (84%) and women (58%) said men still pay for most expenses, so "shared" often does not mean equal.
Unspoken expectations cause friction. In that survey, 57% of women said they offer to help pay, yet 39% of women confessed they hope men will reject the offer, and 44% of men said they would stop dating a woman who never pays. Team Even Split says a clear 50:50 rule ends the guessing game for any couple.
Plenty of daters agree. In a 2022 Credit Karma survey, one in five daters preferred a 50:50 split, and nearly 40% disagreed that the higher earner should pay a larger share.
The case for Team Bigger Earner
Team Bigger Earner says equal is not always fair. If one partner earns far more, a strict 50:50 rule can price the other out of nice dinners or turn every night out into a budget meeting.
The public leans their way. In a 2024 Harris Poll for NerdWallet, 57% of Americans agreed that the person who makes more money in a couple should pay for dates more often than the person who makes less. In the Credit Karma survey, more than a quarter of daters said the higher earner should cover a bigger share of the bill.
It is also flexible. One partner can cover the pricier outings while the other plans the free ones, or the couple can split each bill in proportion to income. The rule is about money, not gender, so it fits any couple.
The court's ruling
Both systems are fair, and real couples use both. The problem is the couple who never picks one, then keeps a quiet tally of who paid for brunch and gets annoyed about it in the car.
The court finds both teams guilty of auditing romance without a warrant. The Emily Post Institute's advice is to establish how the bill will be paid upfront, long before the waiter is waiting. The sentence: have that talk once, out loud, and stop keeping score.
How to settle it at home
Pick one system and say it out loud. Even split: each pays half, or you alternate who pays. Proportional: if one of you earns 60% of your combined income, that person covers 60% of dates. Turns: whoever plans the date pays for it.
Revisit the deal when life changes, like a new job or moving in together. If you still cannot agree, file both sides and let Judge Whiskerton rule.
Questions people ask
- Should my girlfriend or boyfriend pay for dates?
- If you both agree to it, yes. Sharing is common: in a 2013 survey of over 17,000 people, 83% of women and 74% of men said costs were at least partly shared by six months.
- Should the person who earns more pay for dates?
- Many people think so: 57% agreed in a 2024 Harris Poll for NerdWallet that the higher earner should pay for dates more often. Others disagree, so decide it together.
- Who should plan dates in a relationship?
- Both of you. Taking turns planning, and letting the planner pay, shares both the work and the cost.