LANDMARK RULING, CASE NO. 21: TEAM JUST ANSWER V. TEAM QUESTION BACK
Is it rude to answer a question with a question?
It depends on why you do it: answering a question with a question is fine when you need to clarify, and rude when you use it to dodge something the other person sincerely asked. Research on deflection found that it often works as a dodge, and in the researchers' experiments most people never followed up on their original question. Judge Whiskerton rules that a straight question deserves a straight answer.
Team Question Back is guilty of dodging in the first degree.
Sentence: Answer the next five questions directly before asking a single question back.
The case for Team Just Answer
Team Just Answer cites the basic rule of conversation. Wharton professor Maurice Schweitzer put it plainly: "If I ask you a question, the conversational rule is you answer it." A question back breaks that rule.
Research shows the dodge is real. Across four experiments published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Schweitzer and T. Bradford Bitterly studied deflection, which is answering a question with a question. They found it lets people avoid revealing information while keeping a good impression, and Bitterly noted that most of their counterparts never followed up on the original question.
That is Team Just Answer's whole point. A move that works because the other person does not notice is not exactly a courtesy. When someone sincerely asks "Did you eat my leftovers?" and hears "Were you saving them?", they still deserve an answer.
The case for Team Question Back
Team Question Back says some questions cannot be answered well without one. "Can you pick me up?" needs "From where?" A clarifying question is not a dodge. It is how you avoid answering the wrong question.
Questions also teach and connect. The Harvard Law Record reports that nearly all professors at Harvard Law School at times use some version of the Socratic method, which runs class by asking students questions. And a 2017 study by Karen Huang and colleagues found that people who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners, though asking too many or rude questions could backfire.
Even the deflection research has good news for Team Question Back. Bitterly called deflection less costly to relationships than declining to answer and less risky than lying. In one of their experiments, a humorous deflection of a salary question helped a job candidate keep a good impression. Faced with a nosy question, a question back can be the politest exit.
The court's ruling
The court sorts questions-back into two piles. Clarifying questions, real follow-ups, and polite escapes from nosy questions are acquitted. Questions used to escape a fair, sincere question are not. The test is simple: after your question, does the other person ever get an answer? If yes, you were clarifying. If no, you were dodging.
Most fights about this are about the second pile. Team Question Back is guilty of dodging in the first degree, and is sentenced to answer the original question first, then ask whatever it likes.
How to settle it at home
Use the answer-first rule: give the short answer, then ask your question. "Yes, I ate them. Were you saving them?" keeps both the honesty and the curiosity.
If you truly need more information, say so: "Happy to answer, I just want to check what you mean." If you would rather not answer something personal, say that kindly too. Still going in circles? File both sides and let Judge Whiskerton rule.
Questions people ask
- What does it mean to answer a question with a question?
- Usually one of two things: the person needs more information, or they would rather not answer. Researchers call the second one deflection.
- Is it ok to answer a question with a question?
- Yes, if you are clarifying or the question is too personal. No, if someone sincerely asked something they have a fair reason to know.
- Is it bad manners to answer a question with a question?
- It can be when it becomes a habit or a dodge. Answer first, then ask.
- Should you answer a question with a question?
- Only to clarify, or to politely sidestep a nosy question. For a sincere, fair question, give the answer first.